My father taught me to be a proud man and be self-sufficient. I have prided myself to ensure that I can do many things on my own and to not rely on others for help. I am not one to ask for help very often, especially on things I know I can do myself, regardless of how much toll it does on me or the willingness of others to help. I am discovering that this pride is quickly becoming a curse when you are no longer able to do these very things you used to do.
This week has been a relatively good week. Coming off a wonderful Easter weekend, I was able to carry that energy into my second half of round 2 of chemo. Tuesday, April 23, was chemo day, day 8, which means a quick chemo session. This time I only needed to inject 1 drug and no steroids! It was a relatively quick process, lasting about 1.5h, but the lead in was not as nice. I woke up tired and cranky and, because it was chemo day, I did not have a coffee prior to the procedure. I was not a happy camper and MA had to deal with the crotchety kid I had become that morning. I was going to need coffee soon to get me out of this so we picked up a Timmies on the way to the hospital as we have learned from last time, it takes too long to get one at the coffee shop on site. Once I started to drink it, I was able to change my mood and not be such an irritable brat.
In our last session, the week prior, we asked the nurse if we could bring a therapy dog to our sessions. Not thinking it would go far, we kind of dismissed the idea that it would even be allowed but our experience has shown that, more often than not, hospitals are open to this idea. We were pleasantly surprised by the outcome as, not only did a manager outline the hospital policy but made every effort to see how this could be done, within the confines of this policy. Basically, we were asking if Shelly (our dog) could tag along with us to my appointments and it appears that, with a bit of effort on our part, she can. To ensure that we do not run into any interference when we do bring her, it was noted that we should have a letter from a doctor or social worker stating our need for the therapy dog. I believe that she can do a lot of benefit for me in calming me down and making me less tense while they are sticking me with needles while also keeping me calm while the chemicals are pumped into my system. This will be great for my next session not just for me but I think for many who will be present in the “daycare”.
After the session, we did a bit of shopping but I was getting a bit nauseous and thought that a McD’s fries would help. Damn these cravings! The fries did help and, once home, I crashed for the rest of the day as I was tired.
Wednesday was the day where I really needed to swallow my pride. It was a day where I had a lot of help from others for things I used to do for myself. First off, my very good friend Richard came by in the morning to change the tires on my vehicle. Normally, we schedule a Tire Day at his place and we do between 5-8 cars in one day but this time I was getting preferential treatment. I was not able to help much but at least MA was around to provide support for his effort. On top of this, he was able to take my two empty propane tanks with him to fill them up as he was already going to do one of his. This definitely saved me the time and the travel to do it myself. He was not yet done for the day as he was going to come back in the afternoon to put up the tarp on my gazebo. This is not an easy task and has caused me much frustrations and pain pretty much every year, each time I put it up and take it down in the fall. By midafternoon, he was over to start this task and was aided by my neighbor Daniel. Dan is a great guy and always willing to help out but I never want to abuse it so I do not ask him very often though he says I should. Putting up the tarp went very smoothly this time as we were 4 to do it with MA joining myself and the boys. It took so little time to get it up with the 3.5 of us (I was only working part time :)). I was so thankful for this help and do not know how I can ever repay them. I will find a way and hope that, at some point, they will call on me to help them too.
The final thing left on Wednesday was my vocal lesson. Over the past year, I have been taking singing lessons with Lisa, my vocal coach. She is an amazing coach and I really enjoy doing the lessons. It had been several months since I last saw her so I was overdue and it showed in the lesson. It was not my best lesson as I struggled with my breathing partially due to the lengthy time between lessons but also because I had this big fucken tumor in my gut that was impeding my diaphragm for so long. For this lesson, we focused more on breathing techniques and less on stretching my range. She provided me with some great advice on breathing that she said would not only work on my singing but could be applied in other areas, like when I am having a panic attack and cannot breathe properly or when I am playing hockey and am sucking wind. Never expected that a singing lesson could have such an overall impact on the rest of my life!
Thursday was a rough day as it started way too early. Since I have been home on sick leave, my sleep patterns have been greatly affected. I am able to get to bed at a reasonable hour and fall asleep with relative ease, but my then I wake up a lot in the middle of the night and my brain starts up way too early in the morning forcing me out of bed. On this particular night, I woke up around 3:30 AM and could not get back to sleep. When the clock showed 4:30, I decided to get out of bed and see if my paper had arrived so I could get a head start on it. I have a really amazing paper person as my daily news was there waiting for me. I got through that and continued with my morning ritual of a small breakfast, catch up on email and Facebook and then do some busy work. This morning, since I was up so early, I decided to see if I could cook some beans for dinner. I was able to find online a method to do a quick soak of the beans which meant that I could get it done in <4h instead of soaking overnight. I proceeded to get them prepped and then waited until the soak time was up before I cooked them as usual and got them in the crockpot. While the beans were cooking, I happened to be on Facebook again and quickly caught that a live event was going on. The producers of my most favorite movie series, James Bond, were going to be live on location where Ian Flemming (the author of the James Bond books) spent his time writing in Jamaica. I watched this livestream in excitement. They talked about the new Bond 25 movie (no title yet), the sets they built and the locations where they have and will be filming. They also had some of the actors, both old and new, present to talk about the film and answer viewer questions. In case you are wondering, it will be out April 8, 2020 so mark your calendars now. After this was done, the beans were ready for the crockpot so in they went and I had my second breakfast and proceeded to try to get some more sleep.
My nap was short so I was up before noon and took a shower. I headed downstairs to relax on the couch and binge watch some TV for the rest of the afternoon. The beans were good though my family thinks I may have been a bit generous with the molasses and after dinner I was feeling a bit tired so I took another nap before hockey. Once again, I made it out to my Thursday Night Hockey though it was not my best performance. It really took its toll on me and I was really tired during and afterwards. Could be because of the rough night but could also be because I am at my low point within this chemo round, with respect to my energy levels. Either way, I made it and that is all that matters so Fuck You Cancer!
There is not much planned for Friday and the rest of the weekend. Friday will be spent recovering from hockey and I have a hockey practice on Sunday night. In between, I will probably spend time watching hockey and other TV and pray that the rain does not cause too much flooding in the Ottawa area (it should not affect me). Monday, it will be off to North Bay for a very quick visit to go to my uncle’s funeral. We will be leaving the kids at home by themselves for the first time for such a long period where we are not within 1/2h of them. Should be exciting for them but too bad it is a school night (good for us as there should not be any parties!) It really helps that Geneviève has her license and can drive on her own should they need anything or something comes up.
Until next time.